Hey ya’ll,
It’s been a real stretch to find time and energy to attend to this newsletter since school started. My goal was bi-weekly, and I’m going to try to get back to that, even if it means getting something shorter to your inbox. So much of my energy is going into academic reading and writing, sitting down to do what I’ve deemed “unnecessary” writing has felt out of reach 😴and leisure reading has felt corrupted.
I think the drive to read and write in my “own time” hasn’t felt necessary because I’m satiated. Where comprehending information, reflecting, and analysis are concerned, my cup is full — in a way that feels satisfying and invigorating. I’m deeply engrossed.
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Today, I bring you Melanie Klein’s Object Relations Theory a.k.a. the “good” breast and the “bad” breast. I’m drawn to this first and foremost because it focuses on the impact of relationships on development rather than biological drive and sexual impulse (oh hey, Freud).
So, where do the breasts come in? Yes, great question.
In early development, a baby understands their mother to be a pair of breasts. In this sense, the breast is the ultimate metaphor for caregiving — it represents love and nourishment and warmth and attention. Entirely reliant on their primary caregiver for sustenance and survival, the baby experiences the world with heightened intensity. My professor describes a baby voraciously breastfeeding (oh, the joy!) before pulling back in complete contentment (oh, the satisfaction!) , with an exasperated orgasmic look on their face (oh, the love!). Much like the post-coital face of a lover.
This is the “good” breast. The breast that feeds, that nourishes and nurtures. The breast that brings love and joy and overwhelming feelings of happiness. A well attuned mother will know what her baby needs and provide that, helping the baby feel seen. For example, in giving the breast “not only does she meet his physical need, but also, psychically she gives him the experience of being understood”.
The bad breast, as you might surmise, is the absence of this. Feelings of dissatisfaction and withholding. In order to make sense of the vast difference in experiences, the baby ‘splits’ the mother in two👭: the “good” breast and the “bad” breast.
The developmental milestone for this baby is in realizing that the “good” breast and the “bad” breast — spoiler alert! — belong to the SAME mother. The person who loves and understands us is the same person who causes us pain and misunderstands us. Additionally, we are not at the center of the universe, there are other responsibilities and needs that require mother’s attention. This developmental achievement is called ambivalence, a love💗 and hate🚫 for the same person.
Resources:
More about the good / bad breast (video)
Inside Lives: Psychoanalysis and the Growth of the Personality by Margot Waddell
Be well & be kind,
Brooke
Very interesting Brooke. Exactly where I thought you'd be going with the "good" breast, and not at all where I thought you'd be going with the "bad," but thought-provoking nonetheless!